From the Halls of Monsterzooma…To the Gore of Tripoli
It Started with a Date
I’ll bet you recognize the tune. It’s a famous tune from the collection of Marine songs. And we will cover the Marine connection, in due time. A few years ago, I had a female friend named Pat. She really wasn’t into romantic relationships, but preferred friendships. Pat was a good-looking blond, and I wasn’t married, or anything – so her friendship was welcome. Then I had an idea. Why don’t I pick three of the worst movies of all time, and invite her over to watch them? She would probable enjoy this. The candidates were “Plan Nine From Outer Space”, “Ishtar”, and “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. How bad are these movies? Well, a few years ago, there was a cartoon strip called “The Far Side”. You can find a description of this one panel, surreal cartoon syndication at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Far_Side. In the cartoon, there was a video store called “Hell’s Video Store”. In the store, there was a demon, and ALL the video store selections were entitled Ishtar. I won’t say much about the other movies, but Plan 9 From Outer Space is covered at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plan_9_from_Outer_Space and you can see the entire movie in public domain at Plan 9 From Outer Space Movie. I strongly encourage you to do so, as it is “very educational”
You wouldn’t think there’s much of a market for grade B horror and science fiction. But you’re wrong. There’s a wonderful website, devoted to the stuff at http://www.badmovies.org/. This website calls itself “”A website to the detriment of good film”. I went to a free, online dictionary at http://dictionary.reference.com/, and looked up the word “detriment”. We discover that it is a noun, with two possibilities:
- Loss, damage, disadvantage, or injury.
- A cause of loss or damage.
Ouch! We probably won’t find any Oscar winners on this website. But let me put a plug in here. This website is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. If you click on the link for the name, it says, “Badmovies.org is entirely maintained by myself, Andrew Borntreger. I am an active duty Marine and the father of three children, but I do read every email.” What makes this website so special is that it’s a hobby – probably more a passion – for one of US career soldiers, helping our country. There are many interesting parts on this website, but let me point out my favorite.
And Now The Watermelon Monster
This one is so special, that I will walk you through the navigation myself.The movie title is the Drunken Wu Tang. First you click on “B-Movie Reviews”, on the left hand side, from the home page. Then you click on the letter D in the alphabetical listing at the top. Finally, you click on the link entitled “Drunken Wu Tang”. You can look at all the description, audio files, etc. – but the heart of the entertainment’s the video clip entitled “dwutang1.mpg – 2.7m”. Watch the Kung Fu Master battle the Watermelon monster – then tell me – have you seen anything like that? Ever? Be honest! I’m certainly tempted to purchase the movie – watch it in its entirety – then laugh my head off! It’s probably every bit as funny as the movie entitled “Kung Fu Mayhem”. This was a popular movie – made in the orient – in the US theaters a couple of years – or so – ago.
Bring Back the Staff
Folks might be wondering what happened to the market analysis of http://www.selfawareness.com/, and the self-styled guru Steven S. Sadleir? Well, I haven’t forgotten about him. And in case you’re just tuning in, I am trying to help him market his website better – but he doesn’t know it! When we get back to that task, I will turn it over to my select staff of assistants:
- Captain Crunchy Carrot – Captain of the Wild Blue Yonder
- Doctor Mumbo Jumbo, PhD – The World’s Foremost Expert on Obscure Trivia
- Swami Moochananda – Guru for the 21st Century Hoi Polloi
Since all these experts reside in Timbuktu, it’s hard to gage their ability. Please! In the meantime, watch the video clip for “Drunken Wu Tang”, and the public domain movie “Plan 9 From Outer Space”.