Microsoft Infomercial Web Auction

Suppose you used auctions to bid on websites. Just suppose that Microsoft hired a combination of an auctioneer and infomercial specialist, to pitch its websites. What would you have? Have you ever been to an auction? There’s some fast-talking dude, speaking like Flash or Superman, while chewing some spitting tobacco. The object is to obtain the best deal, at the best price. Perhaps the auctioneer blabbers something to this effect:

“I have this website here. My grandmother used it for updating the church bulletin. The minister’s son build and maintained the website, after finishing Sunday school. It’s so easy anyone can use it. Do I hear an opening bid of 2,” asks the auctioneer?

“Excuse me!” yells the minister’s grandmother, Mrs. Pickleseed. “Can anyone build and maintain a website.”

“Young lady,” retorted the auctioneer. “You can slice, dice, and peel HTML code automatically, with the super duper design tools, thrown in free. If you go to the website XXXX in the next 30 minutes, you get free support, from the Microsoft support staff. And that’s NOT all. If you sign up in the next 15 minutes, the domain name for the first year is FREE.”

“I’m from Missouri,” shouted Mrs. Pickleseed. “Show me!”

“Allow me to introduce my son Willard,” responded the auctioneer. “Willard will show you some of the extras included, which you won’t find in the Microsoft website. But hurry…they’re only available for the next 15 minutes.”

Willard took the podium, which had a wireless PC, and overhead projector.

“Not only do you receive the free basic package at, but I’ll show you how to install the bells and whistles at Pay close attention folks. I’ll show you how to rip out the Uncle Bill traffic reports, and replace them with Google Analytics. It’s so easy, even a child can do it. Hey! That’s me. Now watch closely. All you do is cut and paste, set up a Google Analytics account, and you have a new turbo charged, under the hood analytical web engine. My father will now time it. Set the stopwatch and go…. I tell you folks. Watch as I as I twitter my magic fingers at superman style, warp speed.”


Remember the good old days, when they aired Warner Brothers cartoons, staring Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, etc.? There was one cartoon where the cartoon characters were inside a cartoon – then they stopped the reel. I’m doing it here. I hope Microsoft doesn’t approach an ad agency, whose brainstorm idea is combining an auction and infomercial. Otherwise I hope that some guardian angels stop the reel and destroy the film.

Honestly folks! I think the basic product for Microsoft Office Live small business is a good website deal. But it gets even better if you visit Solutions for Office Live, and implement some of the suggestions. Even adding the Google Analytics is far superior to the basic Microsoft web statistics.

Let’s end with a great auction item

Country singer John Michael Montgomery once attended an auction. Guess what he’s bidding on? Nope! He wasn’t buying a computer, software package, antique furniture, golden eggs laid by geese, a partridge in a pear tree, fifteen men on a dead man’s chest, a white bird in a golden cage, 99 red balloons, or a Japanese transistor radio.

Here’s something copywriters and salespeople learn quickly: Consumers first are swayed by emotion, and then look to logic to justify their decisions. Now John didn’t consult an engineering book, an ancient Greek oracle, an ivory league professor, an authority in ancient antiques, an art historian, a philosopher, theologian, or financial advisor. He bid everything on one item – one item only – but for him, it was extremely important. Let’s take a peak at what caught his eye.

John Michael Montgomery Sold at the Grundy County Auction

Randy Kemp



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